my stomache is like my ego, keeps shitting what i feed it

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 14:44:55 GMT

bored, at work.
then going out to the bars for my sisters bday. should be a good time. cheers!

blablalbhlhblhahbl BLAH

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 17:46:42 GMT

We woke up as men but tonight we'll sleep as killers
As we break the cryptic morning with a bullet and a prayer
The steel never seemed more cold and agile than life never seems less vital and fragile
With a heart that's beating louder than my own
I watch a girl they call Kezia
I watch a woman that I know
my hopes and my own future blindfolded
To atone a sin I didn't care for, but a sin that paid my debts
A sin that fed my children and burned my smiles and cigarettes
and No one ever said that hope would be so beautiful
and no one ever said I'd have to pull that trigger, on her
I can't even still her trembling hands that were locked up by the dutiful and the obligated;
Five soldiers forever sedated with the,
"No one's responsible" psychological drama of our social justice dribble, dribble
Her tiny steps tell lies about the choice I have to make;
[Her tiny steps] To resurrect [tell lies about] a static lifetime [the choice] to starve [I have] to death [to make] my own mistakes
So pull the screaming trigger and watch your carcass bleed me dry
Or drop the gun and try to shake away the blindfold from your eyes?
Drop the gun(pull), drop the gun(the), drop the gun(trigger), drop the gun.

so yea my last final is on wed.
so far i think my classes and finals / papers/ presentations have gone by well.
i dont think i failed a single test.
bah, i have nothing really to talk about in my life, other then that i really need a job

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 03:39:31 GMT

Karma police, arrest this man
He talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge
He's like a detuned radio
Karma police, arrest this girl
Her Hitler hairdo is
Making me feel ill
And we have crashed her party
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get when you mess with us
Karma Police
I've given all I can
It's not enough
I've given all I can
But we're still on the payroll
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get when you mess with us
And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

To be honest, i don't know why i put lyrics of songs on every entry. Its just that these songs are so good to me, and because radiohead fucking rocks.
yea i know i haven't updated my journal in a while, but i realized it be nice to try to get somethings out there on a piece of paper...or a page on some internet website...it doesn't really matter. i could talk to the wall about my feelings and whats going on in my life, as long as it was silent and didnt try to tell me how i should be living or what i should be doing.
God it seems like a million years ago that i was happy, and in high school, and had everything i wanted, not to say im not happy right now. Its different though...there are less people i can talk to. Almost everyone ive know has gone, and the people that have stuck around are so boring. I really want to get out of this place, and travel. so im planning a road trip to Texas, gonna stay there for a while. i know its not a major trip or very far...but i really just don't have the money right now. School is school...some of its fun, i just really hate my English teacher...hes some bald mid 30's journalist...just the content of the class is extremely boring. Don't have a girlfriend yet, not really interested in meeting someone hastily. It seems that there a very large percentage of girls out there who are very slow...and dim. I'm only interested in meeting someone who's actually intelligent or at least has a personality that doesn't include "like i was shopping last week, or like...maybe yesterday but ANyyyywaaays there was so this totally cute shirt for only 20 dollars!!!". That pretty much sums up the type of girls i have been with recently...just completely self absorbed, and quite possible retarded. The girl id like doesn't have to be a rocket scientist, but just has to have a brain with some capacity for intelligent conversation. What do you people think, is that possible?

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 19:08:20 GMT

Asleep mid-sentence- the words fell apart.
No one is listening anyway.
This day will soon turn black
and my "wants and needs" will spill on me burning ashes.
I learned to be selfish today...
I learned to be alive.
These things I care for are for my personal gain
my personal happiness only.
Why should I sit in your chairs and satisfy your standards.
I've done it all before and I've confused myself a thousand times.
The tragic day that I call morality just doesn't do it for me anymore.
The day will turn black and I will have either lived or died.
Asleep mid-sentence- my words fall to the ground.
Swept into this dreamland.
Economic satisfaction.
Never succeed.
But happiness has its place.
Justice will not lie in your corner.
Throw myself in the corner
We have nothing to complain about here.
Tragic day seems too peaceful to most,
spoiled ambitions turned my heart to black, black.

Living dreams, loving dreams,
awakening to what I've always dreamt of.
Living dreams, loving dreams,
awakening to what I've always dreamt of.
The familliar sound, the familliar sound of the lovely love
from the love of my life will keep the notes coming.
From the reciting of the show, from the plip and shevanel,
from the grind that annoys, and the sarcasm they all hate

so i think i might start updating again, things are changing, im planning on changing so
yup

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 04:17:11 GMT

sry for not updating in a while, ive been busy with life
first christmas break happend, then school happend, oh and work fits somewhere in there
yea
so
ive lost a lot of people,
me and my former friends no longer talk
its cool though
i was already prepared for it
i knew it was going to happen
so
im having fun at school
um
im having fun in general
work, school, friends

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 06:36:46 GMT

After The Movies Lyrics
Artist(Band):Cursive
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After The Movies Lyrics

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After the movies
In the parking lot
We stared so long
And you kissed me
With ripe young breath
And I kissed you
One night as forever

In the movies
Well, they never had it so good
One moment
So infinite
On soft wet lips

And I miss you
Are you glad I'm finally gone?
I'm so sorry to hear that
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry

Have I hurt you?
I have hurt myself
These sad songs won't change anything

Love as fragile as a wineglass
It should have been forever
Love as fragile as a wineglass
It couldn't last forever
I'm so sorry
It should have been forever

I remember how we kissed
One night as forever

so bored with life
dont know what to do really
im over not talking to her anymore
lol
i knew it was going to happen
i bet her that we would stop talking when school started
intresting thing is
she didnt believe me
...no body really does i guess
so me andrew and jay got ripped and went to denny's intresting experience
then i saw dave juster meghan and erin and edraz and their friends or w/e at dennies...hmmm...erin's pretty hot
but it was mad awkward talking to them on the account of my then state of mind
it was a wreck
much like my life bluuuuurh

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 22:22:56 GMT

Jesus Christ that's a pretty face,
the kind you'd find on someone that could save.
If they don't put me away
It'll be a miracle.

Do you believe you're missing out?
That everything good is happening somewhere else?
But with nobody in your bed,
the night's hard to get through.

And I, will die
all alone
and when I arrive
I won't know anyone

Well Jesus Christ I'm alone again,
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
Cause this problem's gonna last
More than the weekend.
Well Jesus Christ I'm not scared to die
I'm a little bit scared of what comes after.
Do I get the gold chariot?

Do I float through the ceiling?
Or do I divide
And fall apart
Cause my bright is too sly
To hold back all my dark
And this ship
Went down
In sight of land
And at the gates
Does Thomas
Ask to see my hands

I know you come for me in the night like a thief
But I've had some time alone to hold my lions at bay
I know you think I'm someone you can trust
But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up (and you won't know)
So do you think that we can work out a psalm
So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try
I know you're coming for the people like me
We all got wood and nails
We try and tear down hate and factory
We all got wood and nails
We try and tear down hate and factory
We all god wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine

hmmmm, so she blocked me
so good
honestly a relief
now i dont have to worry about not talking to her
b/c now i know she doesnt want to talk to me
its all good
so me and molly are kinda talking again
it feels good
hmmm i dont sweat girls
their too easy
and most of them just leave bruises
and papercuts
so ive been mad sick
for the past few days
got a job at pizza baron helping out and delivering pizza and such
um
got a new car
a truck
its pretty nice i guess
oooh and i bought the new brand new cd
its pretty good
i love it
so bye

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 21:53:18 GMT

Splintered piece of glass falls, in the seat, gets caught
These broken windows, open locks, reminders of the youth we lost
In trying so hard to look away from you
we followed white lines to the sunset
I crash my car everyday the same way

Time to let this pass
(the time it takes, the time it takes to let go)
Time runs through our veins.
(it starts and stops and starts and stops again)
We don't stand a chance in this threadbare time
(the time it takes, the time it takes to let go)
Time to let this pass
(the time it takes, the time it takes to let go)

Staring at the setting sun
No reason to come back again
The twilight world in blue and white
The needle and the damage done

I don't want to feel this way forever
A dead letter marked return to sender

The broken watch you gave me turns into a compass
It's two hands still point to the same time 12:03, our last goodbye

So push the seats back a little further
I can see the headlights coming
So push the seats back a little further
Roll the windows down and take a breath
I can see the headlights coming
They paint the world in red and broken glass

Time to let this pass
(the time it takes, the time it takes to let go)
Time runs through our veins.
(it starts and stops and starts and stops again)
We don't stand a chance in this threadbare time
(the time it takes, the time it takes to let go)
Time to let this pass
(the time it takes, the time it takes to let go)

Staring at the setting sun
No reason to come back again
The twilight world in blue and white
The needle and the damage done

I don't want to feel this way forever
A dead letter marked return to sender

The spinning hubcaps set the tempo, for the music of the broken window
The Cameras on and the cameras click
We open up the lens and can't stop

Staring at the setting sun
No reason to come back again
The twilight world in blue and white
The needle and the damage done

I don't want to feel this way forever

The lights are on and the cameras click
We open up the lens (to broken glass!)

Staring at the setting sun (And it's over!)
No reason to come back again (In a flash!)
The twilight world in blue and white (and I'll never!)
The needle and the damage done (ever understand!)

I don't want to feel this way forever (Understanding!)
(In a Car Crash!) A dead letter marked return to sender (In a Car Crash!)
(In a Crash!) In a Crash!

so im sick
yea
its pretty odd
ive been feeling that ive been coming down with something
and i guess last night the bacteria in my bad decided to attack
and yup ima sick now
ooooo thanksgiving!
break!
love it!
yea so chris is getting on my nerves
SO BAD
its so annoying
i hate it
and i hate it GF
and both of them put together is even worse!
its like an amorphous blob of immaturity and stupidity its mad fun
but yea i recieved a truck
so now i have a car
its pretty cool i guess
im out

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 07:03:32 GMT

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going no where
Going no where
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

its a fucking mad world
god damn
idk what to do with my life

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 03:40:19 GMT

Please hang my raincoat
I guess that I'll stay a while
While I wait on the return
It seems the distance you've made
Has since lost its meaning
Meanwhile, I've meant to ration my thoughts
To help quicken this sloth driven day
As I wait, my joints slowly stiffen
They're warning me that something is nearing
Disaster...
Disaster...
Hailstorm...

Memories like fireflies
A green hue of imagery
But much too random to see clearly
And I don't recall much between you and me
Grey and cloudy
This tragedy plays itself over again in my mind
What's my line
Where are the cue cards
Memorize my actions, my discourse
Like a discontented fool...
This just won't do
It's no use
These crushing days

Absence made your heart bruise
You're all bruise
You're all bruise

whoooo im tired
had 8 kids over to play halo2
its pretty hectic
my room gets really, really
really
hot
like
8 sweaty guys yelling and killing
its pretty rediculous
w/e
so i get the car tommarrow
i wonder what ill do with my day
its pretty funny how friendships slowly fall apart
its all very intresting
how people always become insensitive and forgot the past between themselves
its all too painful
and its all too deppressing and suffocating
asphyxiate on words
w/e
tommarrows a brand new day ill have to worry about new shit
and old shit
all very boring and suicidally fun

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 03:29:11 GMT

Watch you on the one's and two's
Through a window in a well lit room
Become a recluse
And I blame myself cause I make things harder
and you're just trying to help
And when I wake up you're the first to call
This is one more late night basement song
and I'm so sore
My voice has gone to hell

and this is one more sleepless night because we don't believe in filler.
Baby, if I could I'd sit this out.

(This is over when I say it's over)
This is a lesson in procrastination
I cut myself because I'm so frustrated
And every single second that I put it off
means another lonely night I gotta race the clock
(I ignore it and it ignores me too)
What say we go and crash your car?
And every time I leave you go and lock the door
So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder
I'm another day late and one year older
It's failure by design

And we just want sleep
But this night is hell
I'm sick and sunk and I blame myself
cause I make things hard and you were just trying to help
I got no gas(no gas)
Winding out my gears
This is one more day on the verge of tears
And now my head hurts(head hurts)
And my health is a joke
And now I gotta stop because the headphones broke
We don't believe in filler
baby, If I could I'd sit this out

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
mylifeisasinkingholeofnothingness
its so completely fucking mundane
all i can do is inhale and choke
halloween tommarrow
yay
heartache again
yay!!!
boredom again
sweet!
people are really annoying
OMGZ!!! LOLZ!
yaaaaaaaaayness

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 00:18:34 GMT

Listen to the fascist sing
Take hope here
War is elsewhere
You were chosen
This is god's land
Soon well be free
Of blot and mixture
Seeds planted by our
Forefathers hand

A mass of promises
Begin to rupture
Like the pockets
Of the new world kings
Like swollen stomachs
In Appalachia
Like the priests that fuck you
As they whisper holy things
A mass of tears have transformed to stones now
Sharpened on suffering
Woven into slings
Hope lies in the rubble of this rich fortress
Taking today what tomorrow never brings

This is the new sound
Just like the old sound
Just like the noose wound x2
Over the new ground

aint the new sound
just like the old sound
just like the noose wound
over the new ground

aint the new sound
just like the old sound
look at the noose now
over the over the
over the burning ground

Aint it funny how the factorys doors close
Round the time that the school doors close
Round the time that the doors of the jail cells
Open up to greet you like the reaper
Aint it funny how the factorys doors close
Round the time that the school doors close
Round the time that a hundred thousand jail cells
Open up to greet you like the reaper

This is the new sound
Just like the old sound
Just like the noose wound
Over the new ground
Like ashes in the fall

iloveit
so yea
i hate not being able to HATE
it really tears me apart
i was looking at trees yesterday
just sitting there in the car thinking
it was too cold to go outside
so i sat in my car
no music
just sat there
looked at these tress in the wind
they looked so beautiful
they scared me
they looked like so many things
large
green, orange
yellow
red leaves
grey clouds overcast
and silken rays of sun pouring on to them
it was honestly scary
but yea
so i hung out with dmat, ben and tim rielly yesterday
pretty fun
hmm so i cant wait till halloween
im taking the effort to aquire liquor this weekend
to supply me erin dustin and sarah with the means to enhance our experience
itll be cool

idk what to dress up as
itll be fun

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 00:10:12 GMT

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch him now, here he come

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagine when you were young

Can we climb this mountain, I don’t know
Higher now than ever before, I
Know we can make it if we take it slow
Thats thinkin easy, easy now, watch it go

We’re burning down the highway skyline on the
Back of a hurricane that started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
And see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water, it ain’t so sweet
You don’t have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once and a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch him now, here he comes

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagine when you were young

(Talks like a gentleman, like you imagine)
When you were young

I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus

But more than you’ll ever know

hmmmm
yea
just got back from wrestling
hurt my foot a bit
ouch!!!
yea
so i have a icy-hot patch on it
idk if its working
all i smell is menthol and thats it
i think im doing something wrong?
who knows!?
yea
so idk what people want from me
i.e. girls, and my mom
its really irritating
i just wish i could meet somebody my age
and have a good relationship with that person
its always odd to find that somebody younger than you
likes you
it throws you off balance
i always find myself asking
"wtf am i supposed to do, i cant just say fuck off"
but apparently you can
and im just too nice of a person to do that
w/e
im a "heartless asshole"
w/e that means
so
im thinking about going to this movie club thing tommarrow
but
i probably wont go
its creepy
and i dont want to show up if its going to look creepy
and i didnt really like mr smith anyways
he was always a jerk to me
so w/e
hes a burntoutenglishteacherwhothefuckgivesashitabouthiscareer
w/e
k
k
k
aaaaaaaaaaaaaah im so bored
i can take your pain away for 15 dollars a year
yes
yes i can
just call up
im a hotline jesus
most deff
i should post my phone number with some emotional help jargin shit
did i spell jargin right?
probably not
you guys should read Survivor by Chuck Palaniak or w/e
he wrote fight club
its mad good
i should be a hotline jesus
omg!
and i should charge!

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 17:02:57 GMT

And now we proudly present
Songs perverse and songs of lament
A couple hymns of confession
And songs that recognize our sick obsessions
Sing along I'm on the ugly organ again
Sing along I'm on the ugly organ
So let's begin
It's no use to keep a secret
Everything I hide ends up in lyrics
So read on, accuse me when you're done
If it sounds like I did you wrong
Our Father who art in heaven
Save me from the wreck I'm about to drown in
Didn't I learn anything
Counting out my sins on rosary beads?
The reverend plays on the ugly organ
He spews out his sweet and sultry sermon
On the audience
So why do I think I'm any different?
I've been making money off my indifference
We all pass the hat around
This is my body, this is the blood I found
On my hands
After I wrote this album
Play if off as stigmata for cross over fans,
Some red handed slight of hand.

so pretty much this weekend sucked
yes
yes it did
i love my mom
but im pretty sure shes trying to kill me or ruin my life
i cant wait to move out
i hate it
so me and lindsay didnt get to hang out this weekend at all
it kinda sucked
so yea
eid is on tuesday i cant wait
ive also been working with my dad
and idk
im usually in a good mood now
except for when my mom frustrates me
its really
really
really
getting to me
but wuteeeevvvsss
so yea
um
bye

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 02:42:51 GMT

Babe, baby, baby, I'm gonna leave you.
I said baby, you know I'm gonna leave you.
I'll leave you when the summertime,
Leave you when the summer comes a-rollin',
Leave you when the summer comes along.

Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, baby, mmm, baby
I don't wanna leave you,
I ain't jokin' woman, I've got to ramble.
Oh, yeah, baby, baby, I'll be leavin',
Really got to ramble.
I can hear it callin' me the way it used to do,
I can hear it callin' me back ho--oo-ome!

Babe, oh, Babe, I'm gonna leave you
Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you
Oh, I can hear it callin' me
I said, don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?
Oh!

I know, I know, I know I'm never, never, never, never, never, never, never,
Gonna leave you babe
But, I got to go away from this place,
I've got to quit you, yeah
Oh!! Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby,
Oh, don't you hear it callin' me?
Oh, woman, woman, I know, I know
It feels good to have you back again
And I know that one day baby, it's gonna really grow, yes it is.
We gonna go walkin' through the park every day.
Come what may, every day, oh
My, my - my - my, my, my babe
I'm gonna leave you. Goin'
I'm gonna quit you baby
It was really, really good.
You made me happy every single day.
But now... I've got to go away!
Oh, oh

Baby, baby, baby,
That's when it's callin' me
I said that's when it's callin' me back home...

so, i was out last night
mad fun
hung out with heather for a few hours
shes pretty cool
deff looking forward to seing her more often
its a key ingredient
didnt have the car so i had to bike, soooo freezing
but w/e
i like biking, i love the cold weather too
makes me feel so alive
its just short of cutting, or doing extreme sports
cold weather is amazing
i love the leaves now
their so hot
lol
aka really pretty
but im a guy so i cant say pretty
or cute
i have to say
oh thats hot
i hate typical guys
their so unamusing and dumb
grrr
chris is really annoying me lately
LIKE ALOT
and idk what to do about it
like hes been lying to me and stuff
and i dont like it
and idk hes just really not a steady person
its all very strange
yea and after hanging out with heather
andrew demateo came and picked me up with jason langfelnar
and we hung out with shannon and smoked and such
watched fear and loathing in las vegas
creepy movie about tripping on massive amounts of drugs
and i didnt go to bed until 230, yea
and so i had to work at 8 today
so worked all day
and i had the car
but why does that matter when you cant even use it to go
hang out with your friends
i cant even go to joes to play poker
but idk if i even want to
and yea clara says shes over joe
i know shes not
but im glad shes really trying
really
really

off

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 05:28:31 GMT

I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency
If you thought I'd leave then you were wrong
Because I won't stop holding on

So are you listening?
So are you watching me?
If you thought I'd leave then you were wrong
Because I won't stop holding on

This is an emergency
So are you listening?
And I can't pretend that I don't see this

It's really not your fault
And no one cares to talk about it
To talk about it

Cause' I've seen love die way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
(When it deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry way too many times
When you deserved to be alive
Alive...

So you give up every chance you get
Just to feel new again

I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency
And you do your best to show me love
But you don't know what love is

So are you listening?
So are you watching me?
Well I can't pretend that I don't see this

It's really not your fault
And no one cares to talk about it
To talk about it

Cause' I've seen love die way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
(When it deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry way too many times
When you deserved to be alive
Alive...

(The scars they will not fade away)

And no one cares to talk about it
To talk about it
Cause' I've seen love die way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
(When it dserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry way too many times
When you deserved to be alive
Alive...
(Alive...)

so yea
tonight
im fuuuucked up
so yea i worked a lot today, and i was told like 4 times by like 2people to call clara, b/c apparently she WANTED to talked to me, and like she told me last night to call at noon when she was home...annnnd we talked like for 2 minutes, and she said shed call me before the dance
but dont tell me ur going to call if u dont, plz
thanks
yea
so i wanted to hang out with heather today
shes pretty cool, just being around a girl is fun
and heather is cool
so its even better
right?
yea so didnt get nething i wanted today,
fine with me
but tonight
my god
so fun
hmmmmmm
:P
so yea
hey clara
you should call more often
im feeling a bit lonely over here

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 17:27:41 GMT

Man the nerve of this bitch
Pardon my French
But it's been 10 days
And I'm getting kind of light headed
Maybe I'll write her a letter in a gentleman's way
And send it with the hopes that she might get it
I can't believe I let her run all over me
But all I think about is
When she's here and holding me
I love her
She's the reason for the lesions
Man I love her
I start bleeding when she's leaving
And every scar on my fingertip is a reminder of
All the lessons learned
All my missions trying to find her and
I can't complain
I kind of like the pain
She ain't even got a name
She just lives in my brain
And says..

She says she loves me
But she comes and goes when she pleases
When the door shuts
It's like another papercut
And now I'm stuck with a hand full of bandaids
Until she comes back around like them ceiling fan blades
Claims she loves me
But she cuts me into pieces
When I'm sewed up
Here comes another papercut
Now I'm stuck with a hand full of bandaids
Until she comes back around like them ceiling fan blades...

shes just a papercut
so lets talk
so i think im getting my hair cut today
...its gotten too long
im going away this weekend
to highland falls
with my friend chris
it should be sweet
ill have the car this weekend
my sisters leaving tommarow
so i can drive her car on friday and saturday
and until i leave on sunday
so
i think ive changed alot of the last few ...like 6 months..ive become more, idk...not cold but like, i just dont care about much too much...its an okay feeling
but i still have those thoughts that live in my mind
people
things
mistakes
the past
all of it behind me
it sucks
i dont ever want to move on
i dont want to finish what i started
its so sad to see how immature i am
i dont want to grow up

i want to stay 18 forever

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 22:35:37 GMT

She had something to confess to
But you dont have the time so
Look the other way
You will wait until its over
To reveal what youd never shown her
Too little much too late
Too long trying to resist it
Youve just gone and missed it
Its escaped your world

Can you see that I am needing
Begging for so much more
Than you could ever give
And I dont want you to adore me
Dont want you to ignore me
When it pleases you
And Ill do it on my own

ugh
i feel so to my stomache
fucking
such a familiar feeling
god im deppressing all over again
FUUCK!!
why
honestly, i know exactly why...so many fucking little things
fuck

not about you clara, dont worry

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 20:02:25 GMT

i can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness elude
maybe i just misunderstood

all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories i will never find

so i'll love whatever you become
and forget the reckless things we've done
i think our lives have just begun
i think our lives have just begun

and i feel my world crumbling
i feel my world crumbling
i feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away
falling away with you

staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
i know i won't forget a thing

promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same

all of the love we threw away
all of the hopes we cherished fade
making the same mistakes again
making the same mistakes again

i can feel my world crumbling
i can feel my life crumbling
i can feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away
falling away with you

all of the love we've left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories i will never find
memories i will never find

so yesterday i had my first court ordered defensive driving class
its 6 hours long
but...i was smart enough to get it spread between two days
yup
you can say it
im fucking briiiliant
so yea
me and clara havent talked in a while
i miss it
it honestly gets me down so much
idk why were not talking
sure shes busy
but...w/e idk how she feels about me or about anything anymore really
i hope i can talk/see her...but seeing her would quite possibly be too much to ask for
well CLARA WHEN YOU SEE THIS CALL ME!!!!!!! lol
so yea
bye

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 13:03:19 GMT

so yea
ive been thinking about a lot of things lately
and im done with it
i dont feel like doing this over again
it feels too much like home again
too much like highschool and pain
so
whats better then just not giving a shit, not calling and not caring
just like she does
so im out

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 00:39:04 GMT

With blood shot eyes i watch you sleeping
The warmth i feel beside me is slowly fading
Would she hear me if i called her name
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame

Theres always something different going wrong
The path i walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better

Your tears don't fall they crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall they crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home

The moments died, i hear no screaming
The visions left inside me are slowly fading
Would she hear me if i called her name
Would she hold me if she knew my shame

Theres always something different going wrong
The path i walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better

Your tears don't fall they crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall they crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home

Oh! Yeah!

This battered room i've seen before
The broken bones they heal no more, no more
With my last breath i'm choking
Will this ever end i'm hoping
My world is over one more time

Lets go

Would she hear me if i called her name
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame

Theres always something different going wrong
The path i walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better

Your tears don't fall they crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall they crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall they crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home

so yea, had fun this weekend
friday didnt do much
but wedensday i got in a fight with my mom and stuff
and then thursday she was in a mad good mood, and she asked me to clean her car...so i washed the outside for a few hours
its odd, we get in to fights one day
the next day shes all happy
then the day after that we get in another fight
its an ongoing cycle
its strange
but w/e
so yea, but friday i went to a house party with steve, andrew shannon and chris
so it was fun
had a good time
lol andrew was rediculously funny though
ha
but today is mad boring
only cleaned all day
but w/e im mad tired
i tried to have some friends over to play games
but it didnt work
so im stuck her with joe doing nothing
MAD BORING
save me!!
ooooh and i want a lip piercing SO bad

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 23:27:19 GMT

Whatever poison's in this bottle will leave me broken sore and stiff.
But it's the genie at the bottom who I'm sucking at. He owes me one last wish.
So here's a present to let you know I still exist.
I hope the next boy that you kiss has something terribly contagious on his lips.

But I got a plan (I got a plan)
Drink (drift) for forty days and forty nights.
A sip for every second-hand tick.
And for every time you fed me the line, "you mean so much to me...".
I'm without you.

So tell all the English boys you meet, about the American boy back in the states.
The American boy you used to date.
Who would do anything you say.

(And even if her plane)
And even if her plane crashes tonight she'll find some way to disappoint me,
by not burning in the wreckage, or drowning at the bottom of the sea.
"Jess, I still taste you, thus reserve my right to hate you."
And all this empty space that you create does nothing for my flawless sense of style.

It's 8:45 (it's 8:45). The weather is getting better by the hour.
(Rains all the time) I hope it rains there all the time.
And if you ever said you miss me then don't say you never lied.
I'm without you.

So tell all the English boys you meet, about the American boy back in the states.
The American boy you used to date.
Who would do anything you say.

Who would do anything you say

Never gonna get it right, you're never gonna get it [x7]

No more songs about you
After this one, I am done
You are, you are, you're gone

So tell all the English boys you meet, about the American boy back in the states.
The American boy you used to date.
Who would do anything you say.

so yea, me and clara have been talking alot
its pretty intresting, i never really thought about it too much
but i really never stopped liking her
that might be a reason why i didnt like your "dating" joe because he was a friend...and it was just awkward
so yea...but i like her
apparently she likes me so i hear from like all her friends
and they all just...want me to ask her out
i really really really want to, i could so easily picture myself calling her my girlfriend and going out to dinner and just chilling and w/e
but...shes way too busy, and a boyfriend would be a huge commitment for her to make...so yea she needs to make a decision...to get what she wants straight
but no matter what i wont ever leave her
i dont wana lose her twice i guess
i just really want to be happy with the right person, wich is deffinetly her...shes perfect

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 01:28:24 GMT

Am I Wrong Lyrics
Artist(Band): Brand New

Am I Wrong Lyrics

Well I talk too much
To myself
And I turn my back on my faith
It's like glass
When we break
I wish no one in my place

And I've seen
You don't need their scenes
When the cut goes in deep
And i'm lost in sleep

I can't stay
In this place
I can't stand
When the room turns round
On my fate
You give no guarantees
There's no promise
I can keep

I can't stand
I can't see my way
I feel blind
On my feet
I can't stay too long
Am I wrong?

Goodbye, lay the blame on love
Goodbye, lay the blame on love
Goodbye, lay the blame on love
Goodbye, lay the blame on love
Goodbye, lay the blame on love
Goodbye, lay the blame on love

I'm so tired
Of my mood
And sleep comes
With a knife, fork and a spoon
You're so pale
In your face
You let life
Get in your way

And I've seen
You don't need their scenes
When the cut goes in deep
And I'm lost in sleep
Am I wrong?

Goodbye, lay the blame on love
Goodbye, lay the blame on love
Goodbye, lay the blame on love
Goodbye, lay the blame on love

so this past weekend was pretty much amazing, im talking to clara alot
and i absolutely love it
one of the easiest people to talk to in the wholllleee world
annnd my mom wasnt here this past weekend
so it was good too,
had a break
because shes a maniac
and i come home from great escape to her yelling
i could tell she wasnt happy when i walked in b/c she had like
a mad look on her face
so i asked her what was wrong
and she says
"i cant take you anymore is whats wrong"
so i just stand there
blahblhab
and apparently shes angry at me b/c i didnt pick up a few sticks outside, so shes threatining me with kicking me out and stop paying for the 3k a semester at hvcc
so i told her to stop paying and i can be a bum and smoke pot and stuff
i mean
at least i wouldnt have to deal with her right?
and then she starts talking about me killing little kids
and...i just went to my room and cried
i cant take this
i really cant
i need like another therapist
fucking music and talking to clara doesnt help 100 percent
...i really cant
i dont know what to do anymore
life is just so boring and stressful
it kills me in side
and a night like this is begging to pull me apart!!!

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 06:09:43 GMT

She grew up in an indiana town
Had a good lookin momma who never was around
But she grew up tall and she grew up right
With them indiana boys on an indiana night

Well she moved down here at the age of 18
She blew the boys away, it was more than theyd se en
I was introduced and we both started groovin
She said, I dig you baby but I got to keep movin
...on, keep movin on

Last dance with mary jane
One more time to kill the pain
I feel summer creepin in and im
Tired of this town again

Well I dont know what Ive been told
You never slow down, you never grow old
Im tired of screwing up, Im tired of goin down
Im tire of myself, Im tired of this town
Oh my my, oh hell yes
Honey put on that party dress
Buy me a drink, sing me a song,
Take me as I come cause I cant stay long

Last dance with mary jane
One more time to kill the pain
I feel summer creepin in and im
Tired of this town again

T heres pidgeons down in market square
Shes standin in her underwear
Lookin down from a hotel room
Nightfall will be comin soon
Oh my my, oh hell yes
Youve got to put on that party dress
It was too cold to cry when I woke up al one
I hit the last number, I walked to the road

Last dance with mary jane
One more time to kill the pain
I feel summer creepin in and im
Tired of this town again

so i love tom petty
that song always makes me wana cry
im such a sap
like honestly
what guy can be so sensitive but also such an asshole
w/e
so yea just got back from germany
wasnt that great, only met a few girls
but ive noticed...that every single girl out there
really...are all alike
there are absolutley no girls that i have met or been with that are different
its like a freaking ant farm or w/e
its sad
but yea ill update later my
battery is on empty
peace

Tue, 16 May 2006 23:10:20 GMT

There's no use going to Des Moines, I heard it's just like here. I guess it's just like everywhere. As for us, I guess we're not immune. Look at our same plain face. Still I assume this subject identity, shared with all the kids that qualify - and that's a pretty high percentage to embrace. But easier to classify, cause all my friends are in the same target group and all of them look like all of you. And they're restless in standstill, but they don't know where to go. They don't know. (I wish I could disappear my unwhole self away from here)...Now. I don't want to le it sit around. Just make it go away. Let it cure itself, let it be a cure for us. And if I never leave this hole make sure you bury me here with all my dead friends. We'll make a toast to the one's who ran away. Just get me through.

so im sitting here
eating sushi
and drinking newmans own limeade
its too tart
but the sushi is good
aaaand today was just like every other day
incredibly
fucking
mundane
so
godamn
like every other fucking day
that i have ever lived to experience
and yes
i hate it
im so angsty
its scary
its like
Dear diary,
my teenage angst bullshit has a body count
hrm...
i hate school
more specifically people in it
they are margay