my stomache is like my ego, keeps shitting what i feed it

my stomache is like my ego, keeps shitting what i feed it

dinneriscold

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(no subject)	[Jul. 17th, 2009\|10:44 am]
bored, at work. then going out to the bars for my sisters bday. should be a good time. cheers!
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blablalbhlhblhahbl BLAH	[Dec. 16th, 2008\|12:36 pm]
We woke up as men but tonight we'll sleep as killers As we break the cryptic morning with a bullet and a prayer The steel never seemed more cold and agile than life never seems less vital and fragile With a heart that's beating louder than my own I watch a girl they call Kezia I watch a woman that I know my hopes and my own future blindfolded To atone a sin I didn't care for, but a sin that paid my debts A sin that fed my children and burned my smiles and cigarettes and No one ever said that hope would be so beautiful and no one ever said I'd have to pull that trigger, on her I can't even still her trembling hands that were locked up by the dutiful and the obligated; Five soldiers forever sedated with the, "No one's responsible" psychological drama of our social justice dribble, dribble Her tiny steps tell lies about the choice I have to make; [Her tiny steps] To resurrect [tell lies about] a static lifetime [the choice] to starve [I have] to death [to make] my own mistakes So pull the screaming trigger and watch your carcass bleed me dry Or drop the gun and try to shake away the blindfold from your eyes? Drop the gun(pull), drop the gun(the), drop the gun(trigger), drop the gun. so yea my last final is on wed. so far i think my classes and finals / papers/ presentations have gone by well. i dont think i failed a single test. bah, i have nothing really to talk about in my life, other then that i really need a job
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(no subject)

[Nov. 21st, 2008|10:26 pm]

[	Current Location	\|	in the room	]
[	mood	\|	amused	]
[	music	\|	radiohead	]

Karma police, arrest this man
He talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge
He's like a detuned radio
Karma police, arrest this girl
Her Hitler hairdo is
Making me feel ill
And we have crashed her party
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get when you mess with us
Karma Police
I've given all I can
It's not enough
I've given all I can
But we're still on the payroll
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get
This is what you'll get when you mess with us
And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

To be honest, i don't know why i put lyrics of songs on every entry. Its just that these songs are so good to me, and because radiohead fucking rocks.
yea i know i haven't updated my journal in a while, but i realized it be nice to try to get somethings out there on a piece of paper...or a page on some internet website...it doesn't really matter. i could talk to the wall about my feelings and whats going on in my life, as long as it was silent and didnt try to tell me how i should be living or what i should be doing.
God it seems like a million years ago that i was happy, and in high school, and had everything i wanted, not to say im not happy right now. Its different though...there are less people i can talk to. Almost everyone ive know has gone, and the people that have stuck around are so boring. I really want to get out of this place, and travel. so im planning a road trip to Texas, gonna stay there for a while. i know its not a major trip or very far...but i really just don't have the money right now. School is school...some of its fun, i just really hate my English teacher...hes some bald mid 30's journalist...just the content of the class is extremely boring. Don't have a girlfriend yet, not really interested in meeting someone hastily. It seems that there a very large percentage of girls out there who are very slow...and dim. I'm only interested in meeting someone who's actually intelligent or at least has a personality that doesn't include "like i was shopping last week, or like...maybe yesterday but ANyyyywaaays there was so this totally cute shirt for only 20 dollars!!!". That pretty much sums up the type of girls i have been with recently...just completely self absorbed, and quite possible retarded. The girl id like doesn't have to be a rocket scientist, but just has to have a brain with some capacity for intelligent conversation. What do you people think, is that possible?

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(no subject)	[Apr. 26th, 2007\|02:07 pm]
Asleep mid-sentence- the words fell apart. No one is listening anyway. This day will soon turn black and my "wants and needs" will spill on me burning ashes. I learned to be selfish today... I learned to be alive. These things I care for are for my personal gain my personal happiness only. Why should I sit in your chairs and satisfy your standards. I've done it all before and I've confused myself a thousand times. The tragic day that I call morality just doesn't do it for me anymore. The day will turn black and I will have either lived or died. Asleep mid-sentence- my words fall to the ground. Swept into this dreamland. Economic satisfaction. Never succeed. But happiness has its place. Justice will not lie in your corner. Throw myself in the corner We have nothing to complain about here. Tragic day seems too peaceful to most, spoiled ambitions turned my heart to black, black. Living dreams, loving dreams, awakening to what I've always dreamt of. Living dreams, loving dreams, awakening to what I've always dreamt of. The familliar sound, the familliar sound of the lovely love from the love of my life will keep the notes coming. From the reciting of the show, from the plip and shevanel, from the grind that annoys, and the sarcasm they all hate so i think i might start updating again, things are changing, im planning on changing so yup
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(no subject)	[Jan. 24th, 2007\|11:15 pm]
sry for not updating in a while, ive been busy with life first christmas break happend, then school happend, oh and work fits somewhere in there yea so ive lost a lot of people, me and my former friends no longer talk its cool though i was already prepared for it i knew it was going to happen so im having fun at school um im having fun in general work, school, friends
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(no subject)	[Dec. 10th, 2006\|01:36 am]
After The Movies Lyrics Artist(Band):Cursive Review The Song (0) Print the Lyrics After The Movies Lyrics Send Cursive polyphonic ringtone to your cell phone After the movies In the parking lot We stared so long And you kissed me With ripe young breath And I kissed you One night as forever In the movies Well, they never had it so good One moment So infinite On soft wet lips And I miss you Are you glad I'm finally gone? I'm so sorry to hear that I'm so sorry I'm so sorry Have I hurt you? I have hurt myself These sad songs won't change anything Love as fragile as a wineglass It should have been forever Love as fragile as a wineglass It couldn't last forever I'm so sorry It should have been forever I remember how we kissed One night as forever so bored with life dont know what to do really im over not talking to her anymore lol i knew it was going to happen i bet her that we would stop talking when school started intresting thing is she didnt believe me ...no body really does i guess so me andrew and jay got ripped and went to denny's intresting experience then i saw dave juster meghan and erin and edraz and their friends or w/e at dennies...hmmm...erin's pretty hot but it was mad awkward talking to them on the account of my then state of mind it was a wreck much like my life bluuuuurh
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(no subject)	[Nov. 25th, 2006\|05:22 pm]
Jesus Christ that's a pretty face, the kind you'd find on someone that could save. If they don't put me away It'll be a miracle. Do you believe you're missing out? That everything good is happening somewhere else? But with nobody in your bed, the night's hard to get through. And I, will die all alone and when I arrive I won't know anyone Well Jesus Christ I'm alone again, So what did you do those three days you were dead? Cause this problem's gonna last More than the weekend. Well Jesus Christ I'm not scared to die I'm a little bit scared of what comes after. Do I get the gold chariot? Do I float through the ceiling? Or do I divide And fall apart Cause my bright is too sly To hold back all my dark And this ship Went down In sight of land And at the gates Does Thomas Ask to see my hands I know you come for me in the night like a thief But I've had some time alone to hold my lions at bay I know you think I'm someone you can trust But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up (and you won't know) So do you think that we can work out a psalm So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try I know you're coming for the people like me We all got wood and nails We try and tear down hate and factory We all got wood and nails We try and tear down hate and factory We all god wood and nails And we sleep inside of this machine hmmmm, so she blocked me so good honestly a relief now i dont have to worry about not talking to her b/c now i know she doesnt want to talk to me its all good so me and molly are kinda talking again it feels good hmmm i dont sweat girls their too easy and most of them just leave bruises and papercuts so ive been mad sick for the past few days got a job at pizza baron helping out and delivering pizza and such um got a new car a truck its pretty nice i guess oooh and i bought the new brand new cd its pretty good i love it so bye
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(no subject)	[Nov. 22nd, 2006\|04:53 pm]
Splintered piece of glass falls, in the seat, gets caught These broken windows, open locks, reminders of the youth we lost In trying so hard to look away from you we followed white lines to the sunset I crash my car everyday the same way Time to let this pass (the time it takes, the time it takes to let go) Time runs through our veins. (it starts and stops and starts and stops again) We don't stand a chance in this threadbare time (the time it takes, the time it takes to let go) Time to let this pass (the time it takes, the time it takes to let go) Staring at the setting sun No reason to come back again The twilight world in blue and white The needle and the damage done I don't want to feel this way forever A dead letter marked return to sender The broken watch you gave me turns into a compass It's two hands still point to the same time 12:03, our last goodbye So push the seats back a little further I can see the headlights coming So push the seats back a little further Roll the windows down and take a breath I can see the headlights coming They paint the world in red and broken glass Time to let this pass (the time it takes, the time it takes to let go) Time runs through our veins. (it starts and stops and starts and stops again) We don't stand a chance in this threadbare time (the time it takes, the time it takes to let go) Time to let this pass (the time it takes, the time it takes to let go) Staring at the setting sun No reason to come back again The twilight world in blue and white The needle and the damage done I don't want to feel this way forever A dead letter marked return to sender The spinning hubcaps set the tempo, for the music of the broken window The Cameras on and the cameras click We open up the lens and can't stop Staring at the setting sun No reason to come back again The twilight world in blue and white The needle and the damage done I don't want to feel this way forever The lights are on and the cameras click We open up the lens (to broken glass!) Staring at the setting sun (And it's over!) No reason to come back again (In a flash!) The twilight world in blue and white (and I'll never!) The needle and the damage done (ever understand!) I don't want to feel this way forever (Understanding!) (In a Car Crash!) A dead letter marked return to sender (In a Car Crash!) (In a Crash!) In a Crash! so im sick yea its pretty odd ive been feeling that ive been coming down with something and i guess last night the bacteria in my bad decided to attack and yup ima sick now ooooo thanksgiving! break! love it! yea so chris is getting on my nerves SO BAD its so annoying i hate it and i hate it GF and both of them put together is even worse! its like an amorphous blob of immaturity and stupidity its mad fun but yea i recieved a truck so now i have a car its pretty cool i guess im out
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(no subject)	[Nov. 11th, 2006\|02:03 am]
All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces Bright and early for the daily races Going no where Going no where Their tears are filling up their glasses No expression No expression Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow No tomorrow No tomorrow And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you 'Cos I find it hard to take When people run in circles it's a very very Mad world Mad world Children waiting for the day they feel good Happy birthday Happy birthday And I feel the way that every child should Sit and listen Sit and listen Went to school and I was very nervous No one knew me No one knew me Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson Look right through me Look right through me And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you 'Cos I find it hard to take When people run in circles it's a very very Mad world Mad world Enlarging your world Mad world its a fucking mad world god damn idk what to do with my life
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(no subject)	[Nov. 6th, 2006\|10:40 pm]
Please hang my raincoat I guess that I'll stay a while While I wait on the return It seems the distance you've made Has since lost its meaning Meanwhile, I've meant to ration my thoughts To help quicken this sloth driven day As I wait, my joints slowly stiffen They're warning me that something is nearing Disaster... Disaster... Hailstorm... Memories like fireflies A green hue of imagery But much too random to see clearly And I don't recall much between you and me Grey and cloudy This tragedy plays itself over again in my mind What's my line Where are the cue cards Memorize my actions, my discourse Like a discontented fool... This just won't do It's no use These crushing days Absence made your heart bruise You're all bruise You're all bruise whoooo im tired had 8 kids over to play halo2 its pretty hectic my room gets really, really really hot like 8 sweaty guys yelling and killing its pretty rediculous w/e so i get the car tommarrow i wonder what ill do with my day its pretty funny how friendships slowly fall apart its all very intresting how people always become insensitive and forgot the past between themselves its all too painful and its all too deppressing and suffocating asphyxiate on words w/e tommarrows a brand new day ill have to worry about new shit and old shit all very boring and suicidally fun
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(no subject)	[Oct. 30th, 2006\|10:27 pm]
Watch you on the one's and two's Through a window in a well lit room Become a recluse And I blame myself cause I make things harder and you're just trying to help And when I wake up you're the first to call This is one more late night basement song and I'm so sore My voice has gone to hell and this is one more sleepless night because we don't believe in filler. Baby, if I could I'd sit this out. (This is over when I say it's over) This is a lesson in procrastination I cut myself because I'm so frustrated And every single second that I put it off means another lonely night I gotta race the clock (I ignore it and it ignores me too) What say we go and crash your car? And every time I leave you go and lock the door So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder I'm another day late and one year older It's failure by design And we just want sleep But this night is hell I'm sick and sunk and I blame myself cause I make things hard and you were just trying to help I got no gas(no gas) Winding out my gears This is one more day on the verge of tears And now my head hurts(head hurts) And my health is a joke And now I gotta stop because the headphones broke We don't believe in filler baby, If I could I'd sit this out BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! mylifeisasinkingholeofnothingness its so completely fucking mundane all i can do is inhale and choke halloween tommarrow yay heartache again yay!!! boredom again sweet! people are really annoying OMGZ!!! LOLZ! yaaaaaaaaayness
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(no subject)	[Oct. 28th, 2006\|12:13 am]
Listen to the fascist sing Take hope here War is elsewhere You were chosen This is god's land Soon well be free Of blot and mixture Seeds planted by our Forefathers hand A mass of promises Begin to rupture Like the pockets Of the new world kings Like swollen stomachs In Appalachia Like the priests that fuck you As they whisper holy things A mass of tears have transformed to stones now Sharpened on suffering Woven into slings Hope lies in the rubble of this rich fortress Taking today what tomorrow never brings This is the new sound Just like the old sound Just like the noose wound x2 Over the new ground aint the new sound just like the old sound just like the noose wound over the new ground aint the new sound just like the old sound look at the noose now over the over the over the burning ground Aint it funny how the factorys doors close Round the time that the school doors close Round the time that the doors of the jail cells Open up to greet you like the reaper Aint it funny how the factorys doors close Round the time that the school doors close Round the time that a hundred thousand jail cells Open up to greet you like the reaper This is the new sound Just like the old sound Just like the noose wound Over the new ground Like ashes in the fall iloveit so yea i hate not being able to HATE it really tears me apart i was looking at trees yesterday just sitting there in the car thinking it was too cold to go outside so i sat in my car no music just sat there looked at these tress in the wind they looked so beautiful they scared me they looked like so many things large green, orange yellow red leaves grey clouds overcast and silken rays of sun pouring on to them it was honestly scary but yea so i hung out with dmat, ben and tim rielly yesterday pretty fun hmm so i cant wait till halloween im taking the effort to aquire liquor this weekend to supply me erin dustin and sarah with the means to enhance our experience itll be cool idk what to dress up as itll be fun
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(no subject)	[Oct. 25th, 2006\|08:04 pm]
You sit there in your heartache Waiting on some beautiful boy to To save you from your old ways You play forgiveness Watch him now, here he come He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus But he talks like a gentleman Like you imagine when you were young Can we climb this mountain, I don’t know Higher now than ever before, I Know we can make it if we take it slow Thats thinkin easy, easy now, watch it go We’re burning down the highway skyline on the Back of a hurricane that started turning When you were young When you were young And sometimes you close your eyes And see the place where you used to live When you were young They say the devil's water, it ain’t so sweet You don’t have to drink right now But you can dip your feet Every once and a little while You sit there in your heartache Waiting on some beautiful boy to To save you from your old ways You play forgiveness Watch him now, here he comes He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus But he talks like a gentleman Like you imagine when you were young (Talks like a gentleman, like you imagine) When you were young I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus But more than you’ll ever know hmmmm yea just got back from wrestling hurt my foot a bit ouch!!! yea so i have a icy-hot patch on it idk if its working all i smell is menthol and thats it i think im doing something wrong? who knows!? yea so idk what people want from me i.e. girls, and my mom its really irritating i just wish i could meet somebody my age and have a good relationship with that person its always odd to find that somebody younger than you likes you it throws you off balance i always find myself asking "wtf am i supposed to do, i cant just say fuck off" but apparently you can and im just too nice of a person to do that w/e im a "heartless asshole" w/e that means so im thinking about going to this movie club thing tommarrow but i probably wont go its creepy and i dont want to show up if its going to look creepy and i didnt really like mr smith anyways he was always a jerk to me so w/e hes a burntoutenglishteacherwhothefuckgivesashitabouthiscareer w/e k k k aaaaaaaaaaaaaah im so bored i can take your pain away for 15 dollars a year yes yes i can just call up im a hotline jesus most deff i should post my phone number with some emotional help jargin shit did i spell jargin right? probably not you guys should read Survivor by Chuck Palaniak or w/e he wrote fight club its mad good i should be a hotline jesus omg! and i should charge!
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(no subject)	[Oct. 22nd, 2006\|01:02 pm]
And now we proudly present Songs perverse and songs of lament A couple hymns of confession And songs that recognize our sick obsessions Sing along I'm on the ugly organ again Sing along I'm on the ugly organ So let's begin It's no use to keep a secret Everything I hide ends up in lyrics So read on, accuse me when you're done If it sounds like I did you wrong Our Father who art in heaven Save me from the wreck I'm about to drown in Didn't I learn anything Counting out my sins on rosary beads? The reverend plays on the ugly organ He spews out his sweet and sultry sermon On the audience So why do I think I'm any different? I've been making money off my indifference We all pass the hat around This is my body, this is the blood I found On my hands After I wrote this album Play if off as stigmata for cross over fans, Some red handed slight of hand. so pretty much this weekend sucked yes yes it did i love my mom but im pretty sure shes trying to kill me or ruin my life i cant wait to move out i hate it so me and lindsay didnt get to hang out this weekend at all it kinda sucked so yea eid is on tuesday i cant wait ive also been working with my dad and idk im usually in a good mood now except for when my mom frustrates me its really really really getting to me but wuteeeevvvsss so yea um bye
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(no subject)	[Oct. 14th, 2006\|10:42 pm]
Babe, baby, baby, I'm gonna leave you. I said baby, you know I'm gonna leave you. I'll leave you when the summertime, Leave you when the summer comes a-rollin', Leave you when the summer comes along. Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, baby, mmm, baby I don't wanna leave you, I ain't jokin' woman, I've got to ramble. Oh, yeah, baby, baby, I'll be leavin', Really got to ramble. I can hear it callin' me the way it used to do, I can hear it callin' me back ho--oo-ome! Babe, oh, Babe, I'm gonna leave you Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you Oh, I can hear it callin' me I said, don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do? Oh! I know, I know, I know I'm never, never, never, never, never, never, never, Gonna leave you babe But, I got to go away from this place, I've got to quit you, yeah Oh!! Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, Oh, don't you hear it callin' me? Oh, woman, woman, I know, I know It feels good to have you back again And I know that one day baby, it's gonna really grow, yes it is. We gonna go walkin' through the park every day. Come what may, every day, oh My, my - my - my, my, my babe I'm gonna leave you. Goin' I'm gonna quit you baby It was really, really good. You made me happy every single day. But now... I've got to go away! Oh, oh Baby, baby, baby, That's when it's callin' me I said that's when it's callin' me back home... so, i was out last night mad fun hung out with heather for a few hours shes pretty cool deff looking forward to seing her more often its a key ingredient didnt have the car so i had to bike, soooo freezing but w/e i like biking, i love the cold weather too makes me feel so alive its just short of cutting, or doing extreme sports cold weather is amazing i love the leaves now their so hot lol aka really pretty but im a guy so i cant say pretty or cute i have to say oh thats hot i hate typical guys their so unamusing and dumb grrr chris is really annoying me lately LIKE ALOT and idk what to do about it like hes been lying to me and stuff and i dont like it and idk hes just really not a steady person its all very strange yea and after hanging out with heather andrew demateo came and picked me up with jason langfelnar and we hung out with shannon and smoked and such watched fear and loathing in las vegas creepy movie about tripping on massive amounts of drugs and i didnt go to bed until 230, yea and so i had to work at 8 today so worked all day and i had the car but why does that matter when you cant even use it to go hang out with your friends i cant even go to joes to play poker but idk if i even want to and yea clara says shes over joe i know shes not but im glad shes really trying really really off
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(no subject)	[Oct. 8th, 2006\|05:20 am]
I think we have an emergency I think we have an emergency If you thought I'd leave then you were wrong Because I won't stop holding on So are you listening? So are you watching me? If you thought I'd leave then you were wrong Because I won't stop holding on This is an emergency So are you listening? And I can't pretend that I don't see this It's really not your fault And no one cares to talk about it To talk about it Cause' I've seen love die way too many times When it deserved to be alive (When it deserved to be alive) I've seen you cry way too many times When you deserved to be alive Alive... So you give up every chance you get Just to feel new again I think we have an emergency I think we have an emergency And you do your best to show me love But you don't know what love is So are you listening? So are you watching me? Well I can't pretend that I don't see this It's really not your fault And no one cares to talk about it To talk about it Cause' I've seen love die way too many times When it deserved to be alive (When it deserved to be alive) I've seen you cry way too many times When you deserved to be alive Alive... (The scars they will not fade away) And no one cares to talk about it To talk about it Cause' I've seen love die way too many times When it deserved to be alive (When it dserved to be alive) I've seen you cry way too many times When you deserved to be alive Alive... (Alive...) so yea tonight im fuuuucked up so yea i worked a lot today, and i was told like 4 times by like 2people to call clara, b/c apparently she WANTED to talked to me, and like she told me last night to call at noon when she was home...annnnd we talked like for 2 minutes, and she said shed call me before the dance but dont tell me ur going to call if u dont, plz thanks yea so i wanted to hang out with heather today shes pretty cool, just being around a girl is fun and heather is cool so its even better right? yea so didnt get nething i wanted today, fine with me but tonight my god so fun hmmmmmm :P so yea hey clara you should call more often im feeling a bit lonely over here
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(no subject)	[Oct. 5th, 2006\|01:26 pm]
Man the nerve of this bitch Pardon my French But it's been 10 days And I'm getting kind of light headed Maybe I'll write her a letter in a gentleman's way And send it with the hopes that she might get it I can't believe I let her run all over me But all I think about is When she's here and holding me I love her She's the reason for the lesions Man I love her I start bleeding when she's leaving And every scar on my fingertip is a reminder of All the lessons learned All my missions trying to find her and I can't complain I kind of like the pain She ain't even got a name She just lives in my brain And says.. She says she loves me But she comes and goes when she pleases When the door shuts It's like another papercut And now I'm stuck with a hand full of bandaids Until she comes back around like them ceiling fan blades Claims she loves me But she cuts me into pieces When I'm sewed up Here comes another papercut Now I'm stuck with a hand full of bandaids Until she comes back around like them ceiling fan blades... shes just a papercut so lets talk so i think im getting my hair cut today ...its gotten too long im going away this weekend to highland falls with my friend chris it should be sweet ill have the car this weekend my sisters leaving tommarow so i can drive her car on friday and saturday and until i leave on sunday so i think ive changed alot of the last few ...like 6 months..ive become more, idk...not cold but like, i just dont care about much too much...its an okay feeling but i still have those thoughts that live in my mind people things mistakes the past all of it behind me it sucks i dont ever want to move on i dont want to finish what i started its so sad to see how immature i am i dont want to grow up i want to stay 18 forever
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(no subject)	[Oct. 4th, 2006\|06:35 pm]
She had something to confess to But you dont have the time so Look the other way You will wait until its over To reveal what youd never shown her Too little much too late Too long trying to resist it Youve just gone and missed it Its escaped your world Can you see that I am needing Begging for so much more Than you could ever give And I dont want you to adore me Dont want you to ignore me When it pleases you And Ill do it on my own ugh i feel so to my stomache fucking such a familiar feeling god im deppressing all over again FUUCK!! why honestly, i know exactly why...so many fucking little things fuck not about you clara, dont worry
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(no subject)	[Oct. 4th, 2006\|03:59 pm]
i can't remember when it was good moments of happiness elude maybe i just misunderstood all of the love we left behind watching the flash backs intertwine memories i will never find so i'll love whatever you become and forget the reckless things we've done i think our lives have just begun i think our lives have just begun and i feel my world crumbling i feel my world crumbling i feel my soul crumbling away and falling away falling away with you staying awake to chase a dream tasting the air you're breathing in i know i won't forget a thing promise to hold you close and pray watching the fantasies decay nothing will ever stay the same all of the love we threw away all of the hopes we cherished fade making the same mistakes again making the same mistakes again i can feel my world crumbling i can feel my life crumbling i can feel my soul crumbling away and falling away falling away with you all of the love we've left behind watching the flash backs intertwine memories i will never find memories i will never find so yesterday i had my first court ordered defensive driving class its 6 hours long but...i was smart enough to get it spread between two days yup you can say it im fucking briiiliant so yea me and clara havent talked in a while i miss it it honestly gets me down so much idk why were not talking sure shes busy but...w/e idk how she feels about me or about anything anymore really i hope i can talk/see her...but seeing her would quite possibly be too much to ask for well CLARA WHEN YOU SEE THIS CALL ME!!!!!!! lol so yea bye
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(no subject)	[Oct. 2nd, 2006\|09:02 am]
so yea ive been thinking about a lot of things lately and im done with it i dont feel like doing this over again it feels too much like home again too much like highschool and pain so whats better then just not giving a shit, not calling and not caring just like she does so im out
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